Recently, meaning this weekend, I went on a little mini vacation to LA to visit my two brothers. I would love to say that this was just me being a wonderful sister wanting to hang out with her long lost bros (yes, i just said that), but in fact I was running away. My marriage is in shambles and I needed a get-away. If I had to sit and talk about feelings for 48 hours without reprieve I was going to go clinically insane. I’m a runner. It doesn’t solve all of life’s problems, but it helps for a few days. While on my trip I was acutely aware and normally critical about the people around me. Here are some things I observed:
The Guy Who Smells Like Poop:
There is a guy sitting next to me who smells like poop. It actually seems like someone has decapitated my head and placed it in an incontinent 90 year old mans diaper. I fear that my olfactory nerve will never be the same.
The Lady with the Carry-On Guitar:
There is a lady in front of me trying to carry-on a guitar. What planet do you have to be on to think that that is going to fit in an overhead bin? And why are no airport personal trying to stop this?
The Man Invading My Personal Space:
There is a man sitting next to me who is clearly invading my personal space. This is not a big man or a small man, so he has no excuse to cross the clear but unspoken line that divides my seat and his. Plus this may be the guy who smells like poop. Considering my nose feels like it has been set on fire, it is hard to tell which direction the stench is coming from.
The People Next to me Have Bose Headsets On:
The people next to me have Bose headsets on. Normally I would scoff at such people for owning a luxury item of the magnitude, but today i am just jealous because i know that said people DO in fact have the luxury of not having to listen to the overzealous flight attendant who clearly loves the sound of her own voice way too much chat about inboard snacks for a good 30 minutes.
- May I also add that above patrons are also sporting sweet neck pillows and are treating the flight attendant like their personal maid.
- I am guessing these people aren’t homeless
According to Grant (elder brother):
According to Grant and some french philosopher democracy has a shelf life of 250 years before people in power to realize the can use the national fund to start funding themselves.
- I am certain that a fudged the above information in some way
Grant Wants To…
Grant wants to name all of his unborn daughters after Cesear’s mistresses. Seriously.
Mike (younger brother) Has a Friend Named AreYouFaster?
People at LAX Are Weird:
People at LAX are weird. This one lady keeps staring at me. I keep checking to see if I have a boob hanging out or something but no dice. Maybe if I pull out my boob she will stop looking at me. I should try that.
Do You Ever Have the Urge?
Do you every have the urge to stand up and applause for the 1st class customers as they board the plane early. It takes every ounce of will power I have to not stand up in reverence and scream ” you are definitely as awesome as you think you are!” while clapping enthusiastically.