Today’s daily bread was about weeping and Jesus’ compassion and ability to empathize with people to the extant that he wept for them.
All I could think about as I was reading was the last time I wept. If crying and weeping are synonomous with each other than I have wept very often over the last few months. In fact during my pregnancy I was so emotional that I would often cry more than once each day.
Everything upset me, insulted me, moved me, and saddened me.
I imagine it was very hard to be around me during this time but it was also very hard to live through those emotions myself. I was extremely worried that I would suffer from post-pardum depression. I felt as though if there was such a thing as pregnancy depression that I was knee-deep in it.
I should have prayed- but I didn’t.
I should have searched for God through my fog of my unhappiness- but I just couldn’t find the strength.
My sin had separated me and I could no longer bear to be close to the one thing that could bring me peace.
But through all me sin, God blessed me.
I can honestly say I have never known happiness like I know it now. Every time I look into my baby’s eyes I feel true peace. I am suddenly able to experience love in its truest form.
He is my son and I am God’s daughter.
And suddenly I understand.