Mom and Boys

Figuring it out one day at a time.

When it comes to love, I’m lousy

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Yesterday I went on a long walk and thought about my relationship with Isaac and my relationship with his kids.  I had just listened to a podcast by Andy Stanley on love and how to stay in love and I was psyched.

I made it a goal to try to put everyone before myself because I love Isaac and because I love Isaac I love his kids.  And this is what real love is- putting others before yourself.

I sincerely want to do what is best for everyone in this relationship- even his ex, Denise.  I have a desire to be the bigger person.  I want to love everyone the way Jesus loves me.  I really do.

But I suck at it.

Last night Isaac told me that his boy had a football game Saturday afternoon on a day that we had all planned on being together.  He also told me that I was not welcome.

That hurt.

And I know it is what is for the best.  I don’t think Denise is ready for me to be at her kids events and I don’t think the drama will be good for Isaac’s kids.  And I know me supporting Isaac is what is best for him.

But I blew it.

My emotions overtook what I knew was best and as a result Isaac and I had a huge fight.

I am sure Isaac does not feel loved because of my actions.  And I am sure he does not feel like I support him and have his kids best interest at heart.

And I feel like I failed.  Because I do love him and I do love his kids and I do want what is best for everyone.

I just suck at showing it.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Please help me love others like you loved me.  I want to, I guess I just can’t get over my own hurt in the situation.  Help me to not be selfish and put others interests above me own.

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