Yesterday I went on a long walk and thought about my relationship with Isaac and my relationship with his kids. I had just listened to a podcast by Andy Stanley on love and how to stay in love and I was psyched.
I made it a goal to try to put everyone before myself because I love Isaac and because I love Isaac I love his kids. And this is what real love is- putting others before yourself.
I sincerely want to do what is best for everyone in this relationship- even his ex, Denise. I have a desire to be the bigger person. I want to love everyone the way Jesus loves me. I really do.
But I suck at it.
Last night Isaac told me that his boy had a football game Saturday afternoon on a day that we had all planned on being together. He also told me that I was not welcome.
And I know it is what is for the best. I don’t think Denise is ready for me to be at her kids events and I don’t think the drama will be good for Isaac’s kids. And I know me supporting Isaac is what is best for him.
But I blew it.
My emotions overtook what I knew was best and as a result Isaac and I had a huge fight.
I am sure Isaac does not feel loved because of my actions. And I am sure he does not feel like I support him and have his kids best interest at heart.
And I feel like I failed. Because I do love him and I do love his kids and I do want what is best for everyone.
I just suck at showing it.
Dear Lord Jesus,
Please help me love others like you loved me. I want to, I guess I just can’t get over my own hurt in the situation. Help me to not be selfish and put others interests above me own.