Mom and Boys

Figuring it out one day at a time.

Is there hope for me yet?

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2 Samuel 12:1-25

7 Then Nathan said to David, “You are that man! The Lord, the God of Israel, says: I anointed you king of Israel and saved you from the power of Saul. 8 I gave you your master’s house and his wives and the kingdoms of Israel and Judah. And if that had not been enough, I would have given you much, much more. 9 Why, then, have you despised the word of the Lord and done this horrible deed? For you have murdered Uriah the Hittite with the sword of the Ammonites and stolen his wife. 10 From this time on, your family will live by the sword because you have despised me by taking Uriah’s wife to be your own.

I often wonder after what Isaac and I have done if there is any hope in our relationship.

I can relate to David in the passage above.  God gave me everything I could ever ask for; a job, a house, and a husband who adored me.

And instead of being content in all my many blessings- I desired more.

Actually, I don’t know if that is true.  I didn’t actually desire more.  More just found me, and I didn’t turn it away.

But now, like David, I must pay for my actions.  But what does that look like?

There are definant consequences to what Isaac and I have done.  We are talked about in the community in which we work (we were track coaches together), we have family members who will no longer speak to us, and in the future our kids will form opinions about our actions.

But what about God?  Will he still bless this relationship?  Is it okay to go to him and seek his guidance, support, and wisdom in relation to us being together?

I do, but I often feel that I can’t.

I know that the way we began our relationship was wrong in the eyes of God (and everyone else with at least a small moral compass), but is it wrong to be with him now?

When I go to God and pray for our relationship, does he roll his eyes?

I understand how sin seperates you from God.  After you do something so huge, and so wrong.  You no longer know where you stand.  And when you don’t know, you stand far away.

It is like I am no longer worthy because of my decisions and because of my sin.

Dear God- I don’t know how you feel about my relationship, but I hope you will love and support us.  We know we did something so wrong and if I am going to be honest, we would probably make the same decision again- just maybe a little differently.  But we love each other, and I want your support.  I want to be able to come to you with the good and the bad.  I am sorry for me sin.  I am sorry for the people I have hurt.  And I am sorry for the people this will continue to hurt.  Please bless this relationship.

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