I am so thankful for how well this weekend has unfolded. Isaac had his two other kids all weekend and in the past that has been a time of high stress and drama in our relationship, but I think we are getting better at balancing the two households. My relationship with his kids is starting to become more natural and I am really enjoying spending time with them. I am also getting better at “rolling with the punches.”
I don’t know if I have bad coping skills or really what my problem is but often time if there is a change in plans I have a really hard time dealing with it and it usually makes Isaac’s life miserable. But this weekend I really did a great job handling life as it came. I have been working on putting others before myself and not always worrying about my own selfish ambitions and I feel like I am really doing better.
This is my last week home with the Little Squirt, I go back to work next Monday. I think it will be great for me to be back in the real world, I miss my students, and I miss my coworkers, but I think I will miss my little guy even more.
I think I will also worry.
I am filled with anxiety even thinking about him being in the care of someone other than myself all day. Not that I am some infant whisperer- in fact, truth be told I know don’t know anything about babies and this has all been one big learning experience. But I will anyways, because I am the mom, and that’s just how it is.
I have two “Bad’s”
I weighed myself yesterday.
Considering I am a PE teacher and my job is about promoting health and fitness. I need to get a handle on this baby weight. Now.
I have bills.
And people want their money.
All week people have been calling threatening to shut off my services. Fortunately yesterday I was able to pay the utilities, and water so that Lincoln and I can keep living in this house. However, I am left with negative eleven dollars in my bank account.
I will get paid again on the 23rd but the majority of that check is going to rent and I am only left with 300 dollars for groceries and daycare. And although I found a very affordable daycare- nothing is that affordable.
I am just stressed.
I have an extra thousand dollars in savings to get me by but that money is going to eventually run out. And then what.
I am obviously living above my means. Two thousand dollars a month is not enough money for Lincoln and I to live off of and I fear that I am always going to be playing catch-up.