Mom and Boys

Figuring it out one day at a time.

Our last ride.

13 Comments

I have been on again off again for what seems like forever with Lincoln’s dad, Isaac.

My mom sent me an email not too long ago that I really appreciated.  She was giving me some great advice on our relationship which is sometimes very difficult to hear.  She described my relationship with Isaac as a roller coaster.  When I started reading her email I was sort of disinterested.  Yes, Isaac and I are up and down.  Yes, it is frustrating, No, this can’t possibly really make either of us happy.

But then, at the very end she made a very good point.  It took me until the last lines for me to truly understand what she was getting at.

She could not have made it more clear if she had slapped me across the face with the truth.

Here is what she wrote:

 The picture is one of a roller coaster.  As you approach the ride, it looks filled with shrieks of excitement.  When you get on you are buckled in for safety because the creator knew this would be a wild ride.  You go straight up, the excitement is building – as with life, the anticipation of dreams and hopes and passion are so overwhelming that the thrill is beyond your imagination and intoxicating beyond belief.  The high is extreme as you approach the top of the ride – then an unforeseen sharp curve plunges you down.  Quickly and sharply further down than you can predict you go.  Into the depths of fear and doubt and mistrust which are horrific.  Horrific beyond what you had ever wanted.  And then slowly you gain your breath and the ride takes you back up for another emotional high – it is intoxication and the thrill draws you in once again but sooner that expected you are falling out of the sky and downward to a new low.  Can your body sustain the extremes?  Maybe for a while the highs make the lows worth while.  When you finally do get off the ride you are once again on solid ground.  As you look back you may ask yourself, “why do I want to do this again?”  Because the thrill is seductive it draws you in- but no ride keeps you on the thrill of the high.  As you walk away you notice a sign posted outside the ticket booth, NO small children allowed on this ride.  There is a reason – to protect those who are not yet strong enough to withstand the extremes that this type of ride brings to them.

Neither Isaac or myself want to put our son through anything that will hurt him.  We love Lincoln more than we love ourselves.  And I know my mom would probably like us both to go our own ways now.

But we are not.

We have decided to give it one more try.

A real try, for our kid, and for us, because there is a part of us that really does love the other person.  We just can’t seem to make it work.

We called our church.

We are going to counseling.

We are praying hard.

And we are trying.

If we still cannot make it work between us, we have decided that for the sake of our child.  We will both walk away.

I know a lot of people don’t even want us to try once more.

The ride we have been on has also affected our parents, our siblings, and the people who love us the most.

But this is it.

I want this to work, Isaac wants this to work.

I’m just scared.  I don’t want to be hurt by a doomed relationship anymore.  I hope this can be fixed and mended, but it will not be easy.

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “Our last ride.

  1. Your mommy, she seems like a very smart lady but you have to do what is right for you and Lincoln. I have had a rocky relationship with my husband but six years later, we are still together and fighting for our relationship. It is never Easy but it is worth it! Best of luck to you!

  2. I don’t know you, so it may be foolish for me to say, but It sounds like the past situations were times where y’all were thinking “it could be different this time.” But with the church and the counseling, it sounds as if you’re saying “we’re going to do this differently this time” which makes sense to me. Anyway, your family is in my prayers.

  3. Thank you for liking my post today. I find it difficult to comment on people’s blogs that put so much hope into God. I am the only one in my family that went to church after I was married. I wanted my children to have a religious experience and then make up their own minds on how they feel about religion. Church for me was always a place to meditate and contemplate on life. I have a problem with people who always ask God to make things happen for them. God gave us a brain to make our own decisions and to problem solve. We don’t always make the right decisions but hopefully we learn from our mistakes and don’t make the same mistake again. Your son is a precious gift. Millions of women raise children alone and get on with life. I think you’re more afraid of being alone. Good luck in your journey to find happiness.

    • Thanks for your response, but I tend to disagree with you on a few things. I am not afraid of being alone. I am a strong, successful,independent,loving women. It would be easier for me to be alone. Trying to make this work is hard. There is absolutely nothing easy about actively working on a broken relationship and blending a family. This is tough work.

      • No argument from me. Maybe it was unfair to say you’re afraid of being alone, seeing that I don’t know you. I’m sure you’re strong, successful and loving but love shouldn’t be such hard work. Blending a family is tough enough without having to mend a broken relationship as well. In the end if it doesn’t work out I hope you can walk away with your head held high, knowing that you went above and beyond to make it work. Good luck.

      • Thanks! I was pretty offended by the “afraid to be alone” comment, but maybe I shouldn’t have been. A lack of sleep can make me a little over-sensitive 🙂 I just viewed that as a weakness and although I have many weakness I am not sure that is one of them. And I agree with you that this relationship should probably not be this much work, but considering the circumstances in which we started this family I am not surprised that things are this tough. I think deep down we really care, love, and respect each other. So hopefully we can get past all this other stuff and start focusing on the good.

        Maybe it will work, and maybe it won’t. I am trying to prepare myself for both. And again, I apologize for my sharp response. I can be a feisty one which I am sure is one of those weakness I talked about earlier 🙂

      • No offense taken. Hope you continue to follow my blog.

  4. You have to listen to your heart. I think if you can make it work for your little guy then all the better. Kids need their mommy and daddy and at least if it doesn’t work you can walk away with no regrets. I like reading your posts! Linc is the cutest. Keep following your heart. You are a great mommy!

  5. Beautiful analogy. Rollercoasters and love and life! Your mom is a very wise and loving mom.

  6. I loved the roller coaster story and WOW it is SO true. I understand your wanting to try as I have been doing the same thing for 15 years of marriage. I just pray you don’t fall into the same rut I did of going back and forth hoping for change that MAY never happen. I hope it will for you. As you know this is my last ride with my husband now too. We have to do what is best for the kids. I pray Isaac really does let God come in and change things for your family. If not, be brave, God will ALWAYS be there for you and Linc! Hugs my sister!

  7. I almost stayed with my ex because we had a daughter together. He was toxic. I made a decision to raise her happily, seperately, and I have never regret it. Some relationships are meant to work, some are not. If it works out than that is great, but if you ever find yourself thinking ‘I wouldn’t be with him if we didn’t have a baby’ (a frequent thought of mine) then it is time to pack up and move on. Best of luck in this difficult time.

  8. Pingback: This is hard. | Mom and Boys

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s