This weekend we were still both overwhelmed by the shooting near my house so I stayed with Isaac all weekend.
This wouldn’t be such a big deal except for he had his other two kids this weekend.
I have spent some time with them before and Lincoln loves being around his brother and sister, but a whole weekend is a completely different ballgame.
First of all, Isaac and I just decided to give this relationship another try and now all of a sudden we are pushed, by crazy circumstances, into moving things much quicker than we would have under a different scenario.
I wouldn’t have chosen this.
I don’t think he would have either.
Not that it is bad, it is just difficult. I think we have enough struggles the two of us but to add blended family time into things without a break…crazy.
I think I probably have the toughest time with this out of anyone.
This role of step-girlfriend, mom of your brother, and girlfriend to your dad is a really tough one for me.
I have a hard time knowing were I fit in.
I often hear, to no fault of Isaac’s, “this is how we do things”, “we do it like this”, and “this is our tradition.” It can be really hard. Every other weekend we, meaning Isaac, Linc, and myself, have our own way of doing things. Our own traditions. Our own habits.
And all the sudden I feel like the outcast.
I am the one person in this family of five who is not blood related to everyone else. I am the one person who has not known everyone else since birth. I am the only one who has not developed relationships, and traditions with the rest since the beginning.
It is a very tough feeling. I struggle with this in a way I never thought that I would. And then, I struggle with the fact that I struggle.
Am I being selfish? Am I being over sensitive? Why does this make me feel so sad and insecure?
Are my feelings normal?
Anyways…on a positive note. The weekend went pretty well. I had fun with our blended little bunch. We went to the zoo, which was a first for me. We went swimming. And on Sunday we all went to church. It was a great weekend. I did have to leave for a couple of hours on Saturday night just to have some space for myself (I am not really sure why I needed this but I did).
The weekend was fun.
Lincoln and his sister Jordyn at the zoo.