Well despite our best efforts, Isaac and I did not work.
I’m really sad.
As volatile and stressful as our relationship was, I still really like him.
I guess that was why we kept trying things. Despite all of the arguing, and all of the awful things that happened, I always wanted to keep trying.
But I can’t any more.
Lincoln is more important and he does not need to watch his parents struggle through their relationship forever.
I know it is what is best…at least I think so. I keep struggling with many moments of doubt of whether or not I am doing the right thing. And to be honest, I don’t really know for sure.
What I do know, is that if you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same results.
But doing something different when you have been with someone so long is really tough.
It is like a huge void in my life. There is a huge gap in my time, heart, and mind where Isaac used to be and I need to learn to fill it with something else
It is really lonely.
Even though I am not technically alone.
I always have Lincoln crawling around and right now a very worn out dog is sitting at my feet. So I am never really alone, but I don’t have a partner anymore.
I lost a best friend.
I lost a co-parent.
But I also lost all of the negatives that went along with having those things.
I keep telling myself this will be better, and I think deep down I know that is probably true. But I think it will take time to get to that better place.
Right now I am just sad and pretty lonely.
I miss having another adult around, even if Isaac wasn’t around every day he was still a phone call away.
I am sure I will get used to it, it is just so fresh.
This will just take time.
I just need to adjust.