Mom and Boys

Figuring it out one day at a time.

Getting used to be lonely.

8 Comments

Well despite our best efforts, Isaac and I did not work.

I’m really sad.

As volatile and stressful as our relationship was, I still really like him.

I guess that was why we kept trying things.  Despite all of the arguing, and all of the awful things that happened, I always wanted to keep trying.

But I can’t any more.

Lincoln is more important and he does not need to watch his parents struggle through their relationship forever.

I know it is what is best…at least I think so.  I keep struggling with many moments of doubt of whether or not I am doing the right thing.  And to be honest, I don’t really know for sure.

What I do know, is that if you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same results.

But doing something different when you have been with someone so long is really tough.

It is like a huge void in my life. There is a huge gap  in my time, heart, and mind where Isaac used to be and I need to learn to fill it with something else

It is really lonely.

Even though I am not technically alone.

I always have Lincoln crawling around and right now a very worn out dog is sitting at my feet.  So I am never really alone, but I don’t have a partner anymore.

I lost a best friend.

I lost a co-parent.

But I also lost all of the negatives that went along with having those things.

I keep telling myself this will be better, and I think deep down I know that is probably true.  But I think it will take time to get to that better place.

Right now I am just sad and pretty lonely.

I miss having another adult around, even if Isaac wasn’t around every day he was still a phone call away.

I am sure I will get used to it, it is just so fresh.

This will just take time.

I just need to adjust.

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8 thoughts on “Getting used to be lonely.

  1. I’m so very proud of the young mom you are! THE GRANDMA

  2. I preface this knowing I have a totally different set of circumstances…but I can tell you I understand. I would never say “it gets better” because I am not sure it ever does. What I do believe is that you learn to live with it. I imagined it something like livin with a bullet you can’t remove. The pain is there and it never really goes away but as scars form and you move you start to live with it an eventually can function – not the same as before, but in a new way.
    I wish I had words I wisdom but at least you know you are not alone.

    • Thanks. As weird as it is, it is actually good to know that other people are struggling with similar things. Not that you want anyone else to be having a hard time but just to know that you can get through it.

  3. Hopefully you can still be friends, partners, and Co-parents for the little ones sake? I’ve known many people who couldn’t make it in a relationship but when on to be great parents and friends.

    • I think right now maybe we need some space in our lives just to get used to being without each other but eventually I believe we can be friends or at the very least great co-parents.

  4. I’m sorry to hear that. But I think maybe you’re right and it is for the best, in the long run, for you and Lincoln. Be strong!

  5. I was so afraid of being alone (because it sucks and it’s painful and scary) that I stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship for years.
    Leaving is the greatest gift you can give yourself, and no matter the struggles that may come with visitations with his dad, it’s a gift for Lincoln to have two parents who are (eventually) happy apart, then miserable together.
    I’m proud of you.

  6. Pingback: This is hard. | Mom and Boys

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