Mom and Boys

Figuring it out one day at a time.

The wilderness.

10 Comments

dsc03106

Without fail lately I have been rousing both children and heading to church every Sunday morning.

It has been a few months since I have gone to church so faithfully and I wish I could say it was solely for my desire to grow in my relationship with God.

Realistically,

I need to get out of the house.

Maternity leave has a way of secluding you from the rest of the world.

My friends are at work.

I can’t join a mommy group and make new friends because I only will be home and able to attend for 6 weeks.

Oh…and there is that new infant, the whole point of maternity leave, who really shouldn’t leave the house a whole lot.

Come to remember, small babies are rather needy.

And although I will, have, and am not ashamed to breastfeed in public.  It is easier in the comfort of our home where I can just whip out a tit without any form of modesty or consciousness.

So church.

I have been going.

It is funny how God can lead you somewhere when you most need to be there.  I truly believe he can.

He knows things.  He reaches you where you are.

Like maternity leave.

But we are involved in a series on the book of Mark and three Sundays ago our paster spoke on the wilderness.

The wilderness being a real crappy place in your life.

And I got to thinking, am I there?  Am I in the wilderness?

Sometimes I think so, but other times not so much.

I feel lucky a lot of times.  Specifically every night when I pray over my little Linc I feel so lucky.  Thanking God for such a beautiful boy does not even begin to reach the depths of my gratitude for such an amazing gift.

But there are other aspects of my life right now that feel very “wildernessy.”

Finances are my wilderness as well as my relationship with Isaac.

Isaac and I can’t seem to make it work despite the fact that we love each other.  And financially, ends just don’t meet right now and that is stressful.

When you don’t have enough money to actually pay all your bills it becomes a stressful game of faking it.

I can honestly pay all of my bills on time without actually making enough money to cover my monthly expenses just by being very crafty about when I pay each bill.

It’s a science and a skill that I have honed through necessity.

And to be honest I am pretty proud of myself for figuring it out.

But one wrong move, one bill paid to early, one unexpected expense, and the whole house of cards falls.

It’s stressful.

And when you are alone you shoulder the stress of this situation alone. And go figure, it’s lonely.

So sometimes this feels like my wilderness, but I don’t want to jinx it because I know things could get so much worse.

And there are things so much more valuable to me than the thought of a late bill.

Maybe I just need to be thankful.

Maybe that is the lesson God needs me to hear.

“I have given you so much Heidi, be thankful”

I have two beautiful children.

Wonderfully supportive parents.

My children have a loving father.

I have two funny, do-anything for you brothers.

A house.

A car.

A very good job.

Friends.

Be thankful. Be thankful. Be thankful.

This isn’t a wilderness, this a surplus.

Be thankful.

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10 thoughts on “The wilderness.

  1. Heidi – This was beautiful! Praise Him who provides a grateful heart even within a potential wilderness. He is good and He is with you!

  2. Hiya Heidi
    thanks for reading my blog… Just been flicking through yours – love the way you write and I’m loving the crafty stuff too. I am (or used to be!) an artist and really miss being creative.
    Anyway just wanted to say, hang in there. I’ve been through some rough times too, including being a single parent for a few years. It’s tough, but know that God is with you every step of the way.
    much love
    redx

    • Thank you so much for the encouragement! Sometimes it is so easy to focus on the negative when really I have so many wonderful things in my life.

      And as far as the crafty stuff goes, it has been really fun to get into something creative again. I find that this is a huge stress reliever! You should let out your creative self again!

  3. It’s your positive attitude that’s going to get you out the wilderness – hang in there! I think I know what you’re going through, just keep pushing forward and making lemonade with those lemons! 😉

  4. At least you are looking at the positive aspects when you seem to have so much stress on your plate. 🙂

    Sometimes, depending on Him and listening to all that He has to offer us is something that we must train ourselves to do because it isn’t our default setting. We stress, we become anxious, we lash out.

    I hope that you can continue to look to Him who can supply you with everything that you need. The Israelites, when they were in the wilderness, they forget about the mighty God who led them from Israel. They thought it would have been better to have stayed in chains as slaves than to be “wandering” in the wilderness, and they had seen the seas be split in two for them and the whole army of Egypt wiped out from a God that was devoted to them. And still they complained. Remember that your God is with you, and He cares about you and knows all that you need, both the big and the small.

    You are awesome for hanging in there as a single mom of two. I have two but I am not doing it on my own and sometimes, things are pure crazy. You seem like a great mom. Hoping that stress levels off for you soon. 🙂

  5. You’re a surplus!

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