Mom and Boys

Figuring it out one day at a time.


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We are blending…and we went to the zoo!

This weekend we were still both overwhelmed by the shooting near my house so I stayed with Isaac all weekend.

This wouldn’t be such a big deal except for he had his other two kids this weekend.

I have spent some time with them before and Lincoln loves being around his brother and sister, but a whole weekend is a completely different ballgame.

First of all, Isaac and I just decided to give this relationship another try and now all of a sudden we are pushed, by crazy circumstances, into moving things much quicker than we would have under a different scenario.

I wouldn’t have chosen this.

I don’t think he would have either.

Not that it is bad, it is just difficult.  I think we have enough struggles the two of us but to add blended family time into things without a break…crazy.

I think I probably have the toughest time with this out of anyone.

This role of step-girlfriend, mom of your brother, and girlfriend to your dad is a really tough one for me.

I have a hard time knowing were I fit in.

I often hear, to no fault of Isaac’s, “this is how we do things”, “we do it like this”, and “this is our tradition.” It can be really hard.  Every other weekend we, meaning Isaac, Linc, and myself, have our own way of doing things.  Our own traditions.  Our own habits.

And all the sudden I feel like the outcast.

I am the one person in this family of five who is not blood related to everyone else.  I am the one person who has not known everyone else since birth. I am the only one who has not developed relationships, and traditions with the rest since the beginning.

It is a very tough feeling.  I struggle with this in a way I never thought that I would.  And then, I struggle with the fact that I struggle.

Am I being selfish?  Am I being over sensitive?  Why does this make me feel so sad and insecure?

Are my feelings normal?

Anyways…on a positive note.  The weekend went pretty well.  I had fun with our blended little bunch.  We went to the zoo, which was a first for me.  We went swimming.  And on Sunday we all went to church.  It was a great weekend.  I did have to leave for a couple of hours on Saturday night just to have some space for myself (I am not really sure why I needed this but I did).

The weekend was fun.

Lincoln and his sister Jordyn at the zoo.

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What kind of dater are you?

So I went to church this Sunday and the pastor, Dan Deeble, was talking about dating and the different type of daters that we experience.  I thought these were rather hilarious so I am posting them for your viewing pleasure.

Bomb Squad Dater:  This is the person who is desperate for you to be the one, and they will do anything to make it work.  These people need you to fulfill something in them and you cannot be honest or share with them any level of truth for fear that you will trip a wire and he/she will explode.

Side-Huggers at the Latte Bar:  This person is ambiguous and completely vague.  While seeing this person you are always wonder, “are we dating, are we not”, “are we going out tomorrow, are we not”, “do we have plans this weekend or don’t we.”  You never know with this person, he/she is fickle and keeps you dangling from a string.

The Klepto: This person is the taker.  He/she takes everything from the relationship and doesn’t give anything in return.

The Druggie: This is the emotion rules dater.  Everything they do revolves around highs and low.

The Black Hole:  This person is a great dater but has commitment issues.  He/she is high on charm, has great dating skills, and is excellent at fostering intimacy- but will never commit.  You will waste years of your life banking on a relationship with someone who will never come to the table

The Digital Dualist: The person is great online but super awkward in person.

The Conquistador:  This person is very controlling and seeks power in the relationship.  He/she will often be demeaning in order to elevate themselves in a relationship.

Ice man/Ice Queen:  This person has built up high walls because of past experiences and it can be nearly impossible to break them.

Blue Light Special: Someone who has so devalued themselves so much that he/she cannot allow themselves to feel worthy of love -or- he/she will do anything to receive love.

Seinfeld Syndrom: The critical dater who always finds fault in the other person but is never willing to work on themselves.

So who are you?  And which type of dater are you dating?

I think Isaac relates best to the Black Hole and the Side Hugger at the Latte Bar.

…which is incredibly encouraging.


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So we’re dating???

So Isaac and I chatted.  And we were actually civil.

We decided to start dating. (Today was our “first” date- he invited himself over for the Chief’s game).

We have been living together and neither of us are even sure how that happened.  It just did.  We went straight from our marriages to each other and we never had time to date like a normal couple.

Maybe this is what we need.

He can get his space back and I can feel independent again.

Hopefully by doing this we can learn to like each other again instead of just loving each other.

There are some logistical concerns with this dating thing that I think will be a pain.  Mainly, Lincoln’s daycare is right next to Isaac’s work.  So the plan was that Isaac would take him on his way to work, well…that doesn’t work anymore.  I am going to have to wake up even earlier and drive Lincoln and meet Isaac halfway to exchange Lincoln, and then drive back in the direction I came to head to work.

Whew!

I am tired and annoyed just thinking about it.