Mom and Boys

Figuring it out one day at a time.


An unusual conviction

you have brains in your head

You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”

This is an incredibly positive and encouraging quote when beginning a journey.  But at the end of your journey, when your choices have led you astray…

it’s just pretty real.

It is not everyday you feel convicted by Dr. Seuss.




Of course God wants me to buy a camera…

My cameras last photo shoot.

Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.   

Romans 13:8

Today in my ventures as a new mother I left the house. (wild applause)

Last night I discovered that my camera had gone and died and there is no way that I am going a day without a camera when my beautiful baby is only 5 weeks old.  I believe I take at least 50 pictures of him a day- which is in no way obnoxious and completely normal I’m sure.

So I have to get a new camera.

The problem lies in the fact that I don’t actually have any money, and when I say I don’t have any money, I mean that I don’t have ANY money.  But I have to have a camera.

So I may be poor, but even poor people have credit cards.  And although it is against my better judgement to put another large purchase on my credit card I am from the generation of credit cards and I will not let down my people.

But on my way to Walmart I wondered:

Is debt a sin?

This thought came into my mind because I felt guilt over what I was about to do.  I have wonderful parents who have taught me the woes of credit cards and that debt can be a dangerous game.  I know better than to spend money I don’t have.  But I have also recently learned that spending money you don’t have is a lot easier to do when you never have any money.

But not being financially wise doesn’t mean is sinful.  It’s just stupid.

And for us less affluent folks, sometimes necessary. (I know a camera is not a necessity)

I researched this topic when I got home and I could not find anything in the bible that would confirm this as a sin, but I still don’t know.

What do you think?  Is buying something you can’t afford sinful or just stupid?

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The sin I wear.

Over the last 24 hours I have been thinking a lot about sin.  I have this amazing talent when it comes to sin, I am incredibly brilliant at noticing other people’s sin,  specifically other Christians.

Amazing isn’t it?

With that said, it is easy to see that I have my own inner vat of sin just leaking out of me at every chance it gets.  The thoughts really kill me.  The fact that my sinful thoughts are just as bad in the eyes of God as my sinful actions is completely disturbing.  Is there no reprieve?

One thing I always pride myself on (theirs another one, pride, I’m on a role), is that I know my own sin.  I fear that if you lain me down on a table and cut me open down the chest, you could visually see my black, bruised, sinful heart crawling with maggots and oozing with complacency.  I can feel this inside me, I know that it is there.

I am aware.

But I have come to think that being aware is not enough.  Being comfortable in the sin that I possess is dangerous. It is not enough to say “I am a prideful person, I am judgemental, and I gossip.  But that is just the way I am “.  I should be struggling with this.  Sitting around admitting that this sin exists in my life and then depending on God’s grace and love IS NOT ENOUGH.

It is not enough for me to know.

I know.

I need to be struggling.  Everyday struggling.

If I am not struggling, I am not growing.

“Each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed”  -James 1:14

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To live in sin.

Romans 6:1-11

“The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable”   – Manning Brennan

When I was reading Romans 6 this morning I remembered this quote that I heard when I was younger from a DC Talk  song (don’t pretend you don’t know who DC Talk is, I still have them in my IPOD today- it’s a sweet throw back).  When I was younger I don’t remember ever really listening to this quote but now that I have become more detail oriented in my old age (ha) I kept thinking “what are they saying at the beginning of that stupid song?”  Once I figured it out I was struck by its truth.

Let me say this before I keep going; many people have disputed this quote as inaccurate stating that the bible explains that Atheism is a result of loving darkness.  Well, maybe that is true, I don’t really know.  But if that is how you think than I must ask this: Why do Atheists love darkness.  Is it possible that they may find Christians insincere, GASP.

I often wonder why Christianity is the most hated of all religions.  It is socially acceptable and totally indie cred. to be associated with any religion other than Christianity.  Why?  I have heard that it is because the truth is threatening, and that a world of sin wants nothing to do with Truth.  But I also think it has to do with Christians who skate by on an abundance of grace, instead of living in love like God has called us to do.  I certainly know that I have done this.  I have certainly lived a sinful lifestyle that I new was wrong, I have certainly been mean and unkind to other people, and I have often been confronted with the right and wrong thing to do and chosen the wrong.  And at the same time as all of this, I was a Christian.  Either this is going to make everyone want to be a Christian because, hey, you can still do whatever you want and because of grace you are going to heaven.  Or you are going to be so turned off by the insincerity of my faith that you want nothing to do with Jesus.

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Romans 6:1

Jesus tells us that faith without deeds is nothing.  Even though I am not sinning at the extremes of my past, I am still a sinner and I sin everyday.  As I grow in my relationship with God the more I want to follow his commands.  But let me tell you what, I still stink at it!  All I can say is thank you Lord for your grace.  Please do not let me get into a pattern of taking advantage of this wonderful gift.