The DEAR plan.

Drop. Everything. And. Read.

I don’t know where the number of 15 minutes per day actually came from but I have heard that thrown around the parenting world since before I was even a parent.

But the word is you should be reading to your child 15 minutes a day or more.

I used to think that our bed time book would suffice for this time, but now that it is summer we are going to bump things up a bit.

Bedtime does not count.

We are going to set aside 20 minutes a day just to stop everything, go to the reading chair, and read.

Everyone is invited, Lincoln, Bo, and of course, me (I’m the only one that can actually read).

It is going to be super.

I think it will be good for the fact that we are reading, and apparently that is good for kids.  But also the fact that we are just taking 20 minutes out of the day to chill.

I like that.

Mom Dictionary: The dead-leg

Dead-Leg: noun, verb Dead-Legged, Dead-Leg.ging

1.  The act  of your perfectly capable child going completely limp while you are trying to guide them by hand to a particular location.  Typically occurs when your arms are completely full and there is no possible way you could pick your child up and carry them to the set destination.

Today when I was leaving the store with the baby strapped to my chest and my hands full of grocery bags, Lincoln decided to dead leg me in the middle of parking lot.

2.  A very effective toddler vs. parent strategy in which the toddler suddenly pretends all of their body parts are limp noodles.  If performed correctly, this strategy is 100% effective, and your parents will have no choice but to pick you up and carry you.  For further irritation, dead-leg them and then immediately, once they pick you up, cry and scream for them to put you down.

Today when we were leaving the store my mom was carrying my brother and not me.  I realized that now, while several cars were waiting on us, would be the perfect time for me to carry out my revenge for her obvious favoritism.  So, I dead legged her right there in the middle of the road.  She was then forced to face the judgment of an ill-behaved child and figure out a way to carry groceries and two babies at one time (ha ha ha, evil laugh).  Point for the toddler, works every time!

 

Bravery is just stupidity with a pat on the back.

I made that up.

I was also thinking of these.

Stupid is knowing something is a bad idea but doing it anyway because you are bored.

And crazy is taking two kids under two to a movie.

 

I don’t know what I was thinking.

Obviously I wasn’t.

I don’t think I really need to go into much detail on how we spent our 20 minutes in the theatre.

{That is how long we lasted}

But I will give you a small glimpse into this debacle.

Picture this:

A small toddler playing peek-a-boo with the people behind him during a serious part of the movie.

A large tub of popcorn, completely dumped.

An escapy toddler running around in the front of the theatre before his mother could grab him up because, oh, that genius women not only brought one child under two, she also has an infant sitting in her lap.

Said toddler, sitting next to another kid who we don’t know and trying to drink from his cup.

When the poor random stranger child takes his cup before small toddler can grab it, small toddler then screams MINE during the middle of the movie.

Toddler then gets ahold of our actual drink and…

Do I really need to keep going?

Just close your eyes and imagine what else could go wrong and it probably did.

 

Like I said, we did not make it long, barely past the previews.

Head hung in shame I left the theatre with my two little bundles under two.

Fortunately it was a packed matinée kids movie with other children screaming, crying, and running down the walkways.

Which makes me feel slightly better.

But still.

I will never try that again.

I promise.

What Linc is Reading: Mr. Moo Can Moo Can You?

I think it is only fitting that we talk about Linc’s favorite Dr.Seuss book on Dr. Seuss Day,

But to be honest we do not read a whole lot of Seuss.

(although I’m not sure why)

But Linc loves Mr. Moo.

He finds all the sounds very amusing.

He hasn’t started trying to make them himself yet but I am sure that will come.

Some random Dr. Seuss trivia:

Dr. Seuss was actually given site words by teachers and challenged to write books using only those words.

Which is how the Cat in the Hat came into fruition.

Soooo, if you are teaching a little one to read, Dr. Seuss is a great start.

“Mine!”

Just in case any of you plan on visiting any time soon (mom and dad), I thought it may be useful to let you know what Lincoln has so eloquently laid claim to these last few days.

Blue chair, his.

Toy car, his.

Red leggo, blue leggo, all leggos, his.

Milk, actually his.

My arm.

Bowen’s foot.

Basically any blanket in the house.

All his.

Almost all the books, his.

The orange ball.

The stuffed pig.

My pants (I believe its only the ones I am wearing, he didn’t specify.)

The big blocks.

The little blocks.

Happy feet.

Scout.

Bowens dirty diaper.

And my keys.

His, his, and his.

There is really very little that has not been declared, “MINE!” these days by the short little blonde haired child that I let live in my house.

Oh wait, I’m sure that’s his too.

PE Toddler Play for the Home #2

ABC Push-Ups

This is a great way for kids to learn their ABC’s while getting exercise, and it is great for parents too!  Start in push-up position (this can be tricky for some kiddos at first), then raise your right arm up and out so that your body slightly twists and your hand is up in the air and say “A” lower your arm and then raise your left arm in the same way and say “B”, continue through the entire alphabet.

Too easy for your kiddos…ask them to spell words in the same way.

Too physically demanding…have your child touch opposite hand to opposite shoulder.

Letter to my Church.

Today we started a series in Galatians at our church.  I am super psyched.  I love Paul’s letters to the church and to the people of Galatia.  I think it is amazing that what was written to a group of people so many years ago still applies to what is going on in the world today.  Our societies may change and progress is always being made but when you cut to the core, people are still, and have always been, people.

How profound.

I think I deserve some sort of prize for making such a plain yet complex statement (see what I just did there, I’m awesome at this).

This is fun, but back to the point.  Not a lot has changed.  We are all still sinners, and our struggles have not really progressed with the rest of our society.  Craziness.

19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like.

Galatians 5:19-21

After having this so-called epiphany during the service my mind started to wander, as it usually does, to the screeching two year old sitting fairly close by.  We sit at a similar location every service and this adorable, yet loud little toddler also sits nearby with her doting parents.  This does not thrill me.  I love kids.  I also volunteer in the kids department of our church so I also know that there is a special, fun place for children to go during the service so that adults like me can listen to Jesus without thinking hidiously sinful thoughts about shaking babies.  Ok, I would never really do this, and I don’t even really think about doing this, but this does really annoy me.

I started to think, wouldn’t it have been great if Paul had included this issue in his letter to Galatia.  If I could write a letter to my church what would it say?  Surely I would include the toddler issue, “How can you expect people to hear God when all they can hear is you cooing and your toddler screaming?”  Truly, I am not a bad person.  And obviously I don’t have children yet, or else I am sure I would be much more understanding.  But…we have like 8 nurseries!!!  If someone could give me a logical reason for this debauchery I am sure I would be much more sympathetic, but this just seems ludicrous to me at the moment.

ok, I’m done.

Back to my letter.  Here it is:

Dear Church,

Let me start by saying that I like you.  I would not keep coming back if I didn’t.  I think your music is amazing and your pastor is always preaching the love.  I like the love.  “And they will know we are Christians by our love.”  I know this is an old hymn but I think it may also be a bible verse but I can’t find it anywhere so that is debatable.  But I truly believe this, and I think this is what real Christianity is all about, and I feel the love in this church.

You are also fun.  I like coming to church.  I have a good time here.  I was a little intimidated by the already established relationships at first but I got over it and you welcomed me in.  Thank you for accepting me even if I don’t quite fit your mold.

But I have one question…and it is not really a nice question.  It is not the type of question you should ask of your church.  It is not the type of question that an attending member of your church should be asking, but I need to know.  It has been bugging me.

When it was time to change locations of our church because of building issues, why did you choose to move to the wealthiest area in our already super wealthy county?  The location was not close to the old location.  We lost several members because of this move, I imagine because of the distance.  And I already heard your rehearsed justifications.  You said that the new location was in a central area to all of Kansas City.  Really?  I just don’t buy it.  Call me a cynic but I know you are looking to grow.  And money makes growth a whole lot easier.  We now meet in a middle school surrounded by mansions and homes of professional athletes.  I apologize if I just don’t see how this location brings in all of KC metro.  To me it seems like it is a location directed in bringing in all of KC metros high rollers.  So cut the BS church.  If this was your motive, shame on you, and own it.  Maybe this is where you felt the Lord was taking you, people in mansions need God/love just as much as someone living on the street, but you need to be more open.  I need you to be a little more candid with your motives church, because I am a skeptic.

I am sorry for doubting you and sorry that I do not trust you, but I don’t.  I love you but you are run by people, and sometimes people can do things for the wrong reasons.  Even if they think they are doing right.  But maybe they are, I just don’t know.  I am sorry for my doubts.

Love,

heidi- member (I sit on the right side near the front)

Well, obviously I am not a spiritual leader because my letter was nothing like Paul’s.  My letter was judging.  It was honest but judging.  I am a judger.  Thank goodness for people like Paul.