187.8

Will I did it, I forced myself onto the scale.

I am heavier than I want to be, it is not a mystery.  But the thing that really gets me is how my body has changed since having Lincoln.

I really haven’t gained a lot of weight since being pregnant, I am maybe 5 to 10 pounds heavier, but my body…

It just looks different.

I am bigger even though I am not heavier.

I am flabbier than I have ever been.

I look in the mirror and I just feel gross.

I have never felt that way about myself before.

The good news is that Isaac put together the treadmill.  I had to work on Monday of this week and did not want Linc to go to daycare because I didn’t want to pay for a whole week of daycare when I was only going to be working one day.  So he was nice enough to take off a day and watch Stinky, and while he was home he put together the treadmill that I had sitting in a HUGE box on my living room floor for a couple of weeks now.

In my defense, I was moving.  It did not make sense to take it out of the box yet.

But…the bank still does not have a clear title on my home, so moving really isn’t in my near future I guess (I still don’t understand how you can legally sell a home you don’t own, but that is a whole other story).

But I came home one Monday, and BAM treadmill in the living room.

I don’ know if this is him being sweet or a really bold hint.

Just kidding, I know it is not a hint.

But that was awesome to come home to.

I feel so relieved that I can workout while Lincoln is napping.  I know I can go on walks with him, and I do.  And I know I can go to the gym, which I don’t because I decided being with him was more important and time is limited when I am working.

So this is perfect.

Lincoln naps, I workout.

I am psyched.

I already feel better about life.  Some of my stress has drifted away.

I can workout again!

Project Slim Down Update

Well…

The treadmill is still in the box, I move in two weeks so that was expected.

But for some reason I keep telling myself that I will start when the treadmill is out, when my life balances out, when all of my stuff isn’t in boxes or all over the floor, when school finally gets out (4 more days!!!).

I mentally can’t get over the craziness of my life right now and start doing what is best for me.

This is a huge mental block I am facing.

Mentally, I don’t feel like I can begin working on my health until I eliminate some of the other stressors in my life right now.

Is this normal?  Am I making excuses for myself?  I just really feel like I can’t handle adding one more thing, but is choosing an apple over a frozen pizza really one more thing?

Why am i so conscientious about what my son eats but I let myself eat crap meal after meal?

I have never been crazy healthy but I have always had a pretty good balance.  But there is not a balance anymore, I fill myself with crap and then feel guilty later.

Ughh, I need to do better.

The treadmill has arrived…operation slim down may commence.

Dear goodness…it is here.

It arrived early this week and a huge box has been sitting in my living room ever since.

My treadmill has arrived.

I ordered it two weeks ago because I was not going to the gym.  I belong to an amazing gym, but I was really having a lot of trouble justifying spending my afternoons in the gym, while Lincoln was in the gym daycare.   That is time I could be spending with my son.

I love him too much to have him in daycare all day, just so that I can get off work, drive 20 minutes, put him in another daycare, workout, pick him up and drive another 20 minutes, just so that I can get home in time to get him ready for bed.

Not okay.

It ended up giving me about an hour a day with my kid or letting him stay up later so that I could be with him.

Neither of these options worked for me, so  I did the only logical thing.  I stopped going to the gym.

Several months ago.

This was absolutely the best decision for me and Lincoln, but not a super great decision for my waistline.

I lost all of my baby weight pretty quickly, but I have some extra pre-baby weight that needs to disappear.

But now that I have stopped going to the gym I have gained a couple pounds on top of that.

Yuck.

Summer is here, I need to do something about this.

Solution: treadmill.

This way I can get my lazy booty on the treadmill after Lincoln has gone to bed.  It works great for both of us.  I can get a workout and still spend all the time with my son that we both need and love.

I just hope I can do it.

It is going to be pretty tough, I am very tired at the end of the day and it is certainly going to take some will-power to get on that machine.

But I can do it.

I am hoping to find some people on the same mission.  Maybe we can help motivate each other.  You in???

My plan is to give Operation Slim Down updates every weekend.

***By the way, my treadmill is going to stay in the box until the end of the month.  I am moving and I think that this will just be easier.  But after that…it is on 🙂