Mom and Boys

Figuring it out one day at a time.

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Is there hope for me yet?

2 Samuel 12:1-25

7 Then Nathan said to David, “You are that man! The Lord, the God of Israel, says: I anointed you king of Israel and saved you from the power of Saul. 8 I gave you your master’s house and his wives and the kingdoms of Israel and Judah. And if that had not been enough, I would have given you much, much more. 9 Why, then, have you despised the word of the Lord and done this horrible deed? For you have murdered Uriah the Hittite with the sword of the Ammonites and stolen his wife. 10 From this time on, your family will live by the sword because you have despised me by taking Uriah’s wife to be your own.

I often wonder after what Isaac and I have done if there is any hope in our relationship.

I can relate to David in the passage above.  God gave me everything I could ever ask for; a job, a house, and a husband who adored me.

And instead of being content in all my many blessings- I desired more.

Actually, I don’t know if that is true.  I didn’t actually desire more.  More just found me, and I didn’t turn it away.

But now, like David, I must pay for my actions.  But what does that look like?

There are definant consequences to what Isaac and I have done.  We are talked about in the community in which we work (we were track coaches together), we have family members who will no longer speak to us, and in the future our kids will form opinions about our actions.

But what about God?  Will he still bless this relationship?  Is it okay to go to him and seek his guidance, support, and wisdom in relation to us being together?

I do, but I often feel that I can’t.

I know that the way we began our relationship was wrong in the eyes of God (and everyone else with at least a small moral compass), but is it wrong to be with him now?

When I go to God and pray for our relationship, does he roll his eyes?

I understand how sin seperates you from God.  After you do something so huge, and so wrong.  You no longer know where you stand.  And when you don’t know, you stand far away.

It is like I am no longer worthy because of my decisions and because of my sin.

Dear God- I don’t know how you feel about my relationship, but I hope you will love and support us.  We know we did something so wrong and if I am going to be honest, we would probably make the same decision again- just maybe a little differently.  But we love each other, and I want your support.  I want to be able to come to you with the good and the bad.  I am sorry for me sin.  I am sorry for the people I have hurt.  And I am sorry for the people this will continue to hurt.  Please bless this relationship.


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The prodigal son returns…to this blog.

Luke 15

I am feeling a little bit torn on my topic of discussion today.  I feel like it is only appropriate that a blog concerning Christianity and a relationship with Christ should talk about the resurrection on Easter sunday…but that is just not where my mind is taking me today.  And it must not be were my pastor’s mind was taking him either because he decided to teach about the prodigal son this morning.  Go figure.

In fact I was actually a little irritated when I realized the message in church today was going to be about the Prodigal Son.  First of all, I just “studied” this parable earlier this week and second of all, as I described in this blog, I just don’t like this story because I really cannot relate to the prodigal son.  In fact the whole title of the blog was “what about the brother?”  What is the point of the story when you do not relate to the prodigal son but you really can only relate to the older brother.  Well God must read blogs because the first thing my pastor said this morning was that Jesus was not telling this story for the benefit of people who relate to the prodigal son, but instead for people who relate to the older brother.  I was shocked.  I have never once heard this and I have heard this story a thousand times.

There are three characters in this story; the father who represents God, the prodigal son who represents a sinner, and (here is the kicker) the older brother who represents a pharisee or in modern day, a holier-than-thou religious member.  Great…I sympathize with the one character in the story that in real life I cannot stand.  Do you think God is trying to tell me something?  The older brother was actually described as someone who is proud and looks down on others who do not choose to live a lifestyle like their own.  It was harsh realization.  Just a few days ago I was telling the world how I relate to the older brother in this story, and then the following Sunday I find out the older brother represents an arrogant ass.  It was like looking into the mirror I never wanted.  It was actually kind of funny, because the whole time I was listening to this sermon I was thinking that it must just be the way the parable is told because in real life I am not jealous or bitter and I am certainly not proud or think I am better than others.  I kept thinking that the older brother was still completely justified in being angry, and that anyone who was listening couldn’t possibly argue with that.  The older brother seriously got screwed.  It wasn’t until the service was almost over that I figured it out.  I don’t know what exactly my pastor said but it was one of those what-would-jesus-do type of comments.  If the older brother in this parable had an attitude of Christ, how would he feel in this situation?  Would he be angry, bitter, jealous, proud, or would he care ONLY about his brothers well-being and welcome him back as his father had?  I think the answer is obvious… so obvious that it took an entire Sunday morning service for me to figure out.

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To live in sin.

Romans 6:1-11

“The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable”   – Manning Brennan

When I was reading Romans 6 this morning I remembered this quote that I heard when I was younger from a DC Talk  song (don’t pretend you don’t know who DC Talk is, I still have them in my IPOD today- it’s a sweet throw back).  When I was younger I don’t remember ever really listening to this quote but now that I have become more detail oriented in my old age (ha) I kept thinking “what are they saying at the beginning of that stupid song?”  Once I figured it out I was struck by its truth.

Let me say this before I keep going; many people have disputed this quote as inaccurate stating that the bible explains that Atheism is a result of loving darkness.  Well, maybe that is true, I don’t really know.  But if that is how you think than I must ask this: Why do Atheists love darkness.  Is it possible that they may find Christians insincere, GASP.

I often wonder why Christianity is the most hated of all religions.  It is socially acceptable and totally indie cred. to be associated with any religion other than Christianity.  Why?  I have heard that it is because the truth is threatening, and that a world of sin wants nothing to do with Truth.  But I also think it has to do with Christians who skate by on an abundance of grace, instead of living in love like God has called us to do.  I certainly know that I have done this.  I have certainly lived a sinful lifestyle that I new was wrong, I have certainly been mean and unkind to other people, and I have often been confronted with the right and wrong thing to do and chosen the wrong.  And at the same time as all of this, I was a Christian.  Either this is going to make everyone want to be a Christian because, hey, you can still do whatever you want and because of grace you are going to heaven.  Or you are going to be so turned off by the insincerity of my faith that you want nothing to do with Jesus.

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Romans 6:1

Jesus tells us that faith without deeds is nothing.  Even though I am not sinning at the extremes of my past, I am still a sinner and I sin everyday.  As I grow in my relationship with God the more I want to follow his commands.  But let me tell you what, I still stink at it!  All I can say is thank you Lord for your grace.  Please do not let me get into a pattern of taking advantage of this wonderful gift.