There is snow on the tulips and other things that irritate me.

I have a kink in my neck.

Kansas kid fit day is canceled.

My house looks like a bomb exploded in it.

Bowen just woke up.

And I have three more weeks left of not being able to pay my bills (daycare for two kids, kills me).

 

Now a few good things…I don’t want to be a complainer.

 

I know that Bowen probably woke up because he crapped himself, the boy is regular.

I only have 3 more weeks until summer.

Tomorrow I have double plan.

Only some people annoyed me today, other people were all right.

And I had time to empty the dishwasher.

Lunch Peeves {2}

The OVER talker:  This is the person who always feels the need to talk-over and interrupt everyone.  Seriously, whatever you have to say can wait until the person speaking finishes their thought.  You are rude.  Sometimes I feel the need to recommend a talking token at the lunch table.  “OK people, you have the stuffed elephant (or some other arbitrary object) so it is your turn to talk, if you don’t have the elephant than it is not your turn.” Patronizing? I think so.  Effective?  We will see.

 

The Bad Story Teller: If I can sum up your story in 30 seconds but it took you upwards of 20 minutes to tell that story, you are this person.  These people tell the longest most boring stories and if that is not bad enough, they often tell them more than once.  Oh…you bought a bag of apples and when you went to go eat an apple the apples were bad.  Cool, no one cares.  And you somehow managed to spend two-thirds of my lunch telling me this little gem of information.  And, as if that isn’t bad enough, I had to hear this little ditty three days in a row.  I will never get those 60 minutes of my life back.  I now hate all apples.

 

The One-Upper:

Me- “I went to Chicago this weekend.”

One Upper-  “Chicago, oh, I’ve been to Chicago like three times.”

Well congratulations, do they hand out medals for that?  I used to live in the Chicago for eight years of my life but failed to mention that in the conversation because it is completely irrelevant and I am pretty sure no one cares.  But you visiting Chicago three times, I suddenly find you to be very cool.  Much cooler than me.  Do you think you could honor me with your friendship so I can at least be cool by association?

 

The Tentative Calendar Invite: Okay, this isn’t really a lunch peeve but it needs to be mentioned.  If you get sent an Outlook calendar invite and respond with a “Tentative”, you are a B.  Because this is a CALENDAR INVITE.  Your calendar is right in front of you, you know whether or not you have plans.  When you reply with a “tentative” all that means is that you are waiting to see if something better comes up.  Rude.  Say no or say yes.  But don’t wait around for your boyfriend to let you know if he is willing to spend the evening with you before you commit to a girls night.  That is sad.  Your girlfriends don’t appreciate it, and guys find it pathetic.  Don’t put your girls on the back burner for a guy who obviously doesn’t care.  Seriously, this does nothing for you.

 

 

My thursday rant….Free Day at the Zoo = Free Loaders: I don’t think so

Recently, our local Kansas City Zoo offered a free day of admission as a thank-you to tax payers for helping support the zoo.

Given that I have two young children and not a lot of money, this is something that I was interested in.

Unfortunately, due to other plans, we were unable to attend.

What gets me is what was said about the people who would attend such a day.

A little backup…

The free day at the zoo received some bad press.

Apparently it was incredibly crowded, some people got into a fight, teenagers were standing around and blocking paths for parents with strollers, and other people were dropping their trash.

I concede that none of this is appropriate behavior, adults fighting at a family establishment is pathetic and people throwing trash is lazy.  Teenagers standing around and not noticing other people…well, they are teenagers.  Once upon a time you didn’t realize other people existed either.

But this is what got me.

I was listening to our local talk show station on my way home from school, Dana & Parks at KMBZ.

And by the time I got home I was rather irritated.

According to Dana & Parks people who attend a free day at the zoo are obviously free loaders, “white trash”, “don’t pay taxes”, and are a general drain on society.

I think it is wonderful that Dana & Parks in all of their upper middle class glory can easily attend the zoo on a full admission day, but not everyone can, and that doesn’t make us free loaders.

I pay my taxes, thank you.

I work full-time, I go to school, and I raise two boys.

I think it is fair to say that I am not lazy.

I am respectful to others.

I pay all my bills.

And I have never received government assistance.

And for you to make a public assumption that I am some sort of degenerate, lazy, drain on society because I would attend a free day at the zoo makes me sad for you.

I would attend a free day at the zoo because I am a good mom.

I would attend a free day at the zoo because I am responsible with my money.

And lastly I would attend a free day at the zoo so that I would not have to spend a second with you upper-middle class, too good, snobby arse.

I am sorry that some people chose to act like idiots on a free day at the zoo, but that does not make all of us who would take advantage of free admission white trash, non-tax paying, freeloaders.

Sometimes it just makes us responsible.

 

Moms deserve priority parking.

crwflags.com

I’m just saying.

I feel like it is well deserved.

And needed.

From what I can tell handicap parking is flawed.

Some people use it correctly.

But those are not the people I have issue with.

I have issues with the people who somehow manage to have a handicap sticker.

Yet you still see them walk swiftly and healthily into the store.

While I, on the other hand.

Have to park eight miles away.

Get two children out of the car.

Lift out a large car seat that weighs close to 25 pounds.

While also unbuckling a squirmy fussy toddler from their 5 point harness.

Then carry one child in their heavy awkward car seat.

While holding the hand of the other child, hoping to God he walks the whole way into the store.

Which of course he probably doesn’t.

So then I have to pick him up.

While still carrying the car seat.

Oh yeah, and did I mention it is freezing out.

The toddler has now taken the keys out of my mouth and thrown them on the ground.

Stop.

Set down all the children while not letting go of toddlers hand.

Pick up keys.

Pick up car seat.

Try to get toddler to walk again.

Unsuccessful.

Pick toddler up.

Finally arrive at store door.

By the time I finally get to the store the person in the premiere handicap parking space has already managed to do their shopping and is on their way out.

It is an injustice.

Moms deserve designated parking.

Top 5 Lunch Peeves

I don’t know if it is just the lack of sleep or what is going on, but people are driving me crazy.  Even more than usual.  I am sure I do many things to irritate people but here is my list of lunch time pet peeves.

1.  See-Food Eater: The person who just doesn’t understand that you should swallow your food before talking.  Nothing is so important that it can’t wait until you chew.  If you talk with food in your mouth not only am I grossed out by what I see, but the sound of food stuck in the back of your throat while you speak is enough to make me bang my head against a wall.  I am no longer paying any attention to what you are saying.  Instead, all I am thinking is “please stop talking, please stop talking” on repeat until you are finished or finally feel the urge to swallow.
2. I’m sooooo full girl: No you’re not.  You ate 3 wheat thins and a diet coke.  Screw you, you are not full and saying you are only pisses me off  because me and the rest of the table just scarfed down four times as much as you and if there was more food in front of me I would still be going.  Everyone at the table knows you are not full and instead you sit here and arrogantly say that garbage to make the rest of us feel fatter than we already do.  Believe me, I do enough damage to my self-esteem without you helping tear it down while trying to build up yours.  Please, eat a darn cookie and shut your face.
3. I can’t stop talking/complaining about work girl: No one cares.  We all work all day long, everyday is different but pretty much the same and I want to enter the lounge and relax, not talk about the intricate details your job.  Not to mention the fact that you never have anything positive to say.  If you don’t like your job or think it is soooo difficult, do something else.  But I like my job, I enjoy being here.  And yes, sometimes it is tough but I still like it.  If you want to be a negative nancy, fine, but don’t bring the rest of us down by having to listen to you.
4. Microwave Hog: We have 30 minutes for lunch, and that is being technical.  Really if you take away the time we spend doing something else we have to do like going to the restroom or checking our email before we have students again, we actually end up having 20 minutes.  So, if you decide to heat up a meal that takes eight minutes and three other people need to heat things up….um, do the math.  Be kind, if you bring a microwave meal, fine.  But put yourself last in line if it takes more than five minutes.
5. Anti-social and Way Busier Than You Girl: This person races in, and races out of the lounge like the pope himself is waiting for her in her classroom.  You’re not that special, and there is no possible way that you are that much busier than the rest of us every single day.  Sit down and eat with your coworkers.  We probably like you and want to say “hi” every now and then, and if we don’t like you, at the very least you will give us something to talk about later. Just joking. Promise.

 

***Just a little disclaimer. I really enjoy and like the people I work with. This is all in jest. Sometimes even people you like can get on your nerves every now and then.

“She’s a baby wearer too.” What?!?

Since when did how you carry your baby around define you as a mother?

Someone said these words to me at church a while back.

It wasn’t meant in a negative way, in fact I think it was a compliment.

Which I find weird, but compliments are always good I suppose.

But this is a pet peeve of mine.

I wear my kid.

I wear my kid because it gives me two hands to do other things.

I wear my kid because I hate lugging around a heavy car seat.

{Such a pain in the arse…I just can’t wrap my mind around who would want to do that.}

And I wear my kid because I just like it.

 

But now I’m some baby wearer!!!

Well, yes.  I suppose that is true.

But how is that even a thing?

I don’t say to other women, “oh, you’re a carseat carrier mom.”

No.

That’s weird.

I’m strange enough without walking around defining women by how they choose to lug around their heavy children.

This bothers me.

I don’t know why.

Some things just do.

 

Kind of off topic but in case you are wondering.

I use a Boba.

Super easy and comfy.

Those things people wear that wrap all around you and require extensive youtube research in order to wear are waaaay too intimidating for me.

I don’t want to be defined or judged for wearing my children.

But if you are wearing one of those things, you should be.

Just kidding.

However, I am thinking you are probably awesome at getting knots out of your kids shoes.

A very cold and under-whelming parade.

This morning started off good.

I woke up smelling of the baby vomit that I slept in half the night.

Showered.

Managed to get the sour milk smell out of my hair and got dressed.

Only to quickly get pinched by my evil, over-zelused brother.

It is official.

St. Patty’s day is here.

And we had plans to see a parade.

We all dressed up very warmly.

Donned our silly hats and ties.

And drove our way to Westport.

It was cold.

36 Degrees and off and on rain to be exact.

We found our spot and sat.

And sat some more.

And then we sat even more.

The parade was late.

But with hope in our hearts we continued to sit.

And if the size of the crowd was any indication of the quality of the parade we were soon to see,

Surely it would be good.

No.

The parade sucked.

First, a car.

Then, another car.

Then a banner with a couple people walking behind it.

A firetruck.

Repeat.

We left.

Shortly after my father became angry with someone who stood in front of Lincoln.

Go dad.

Linc and all of us had been sitting there over an hour and she pushed up to the front, squeezed in between his stroller and the barrier and stood right in front of him.

Who does that?

But dad handled it and kindly explained to her that the boy had earned his spot in the front row.

So she left.

What a lame parade.

California makes floats with roses and Kansas City can’t even make a darn float at all.

Weak Kansas City.

Weak.

Seriously, take the stairs.

I can’t stand this.

Lazy people taking up elevator space.

If you are a person under the age of 80, well bodied, and are not traveling around with a stroller or 5 kids in tow.

YOU SHOULD NOT BE USING THE ELEVATOR!!!

The elevator is not there for people you.

Seriously.

Now I understand the use of an elevator in hotels where you are lugging around luggage, or in buildings with more than two floors.

That is not my problem.

My problem is the mall or establishments that have escalators for people too lazy to walk up the stairs but they still choose free effortless ride.

Escalators were created because we are lazy.

Use that.

Don’t clog up the elevators for people who need them.

It is just irritating.

And we cannot do anything about it, but just know, when I am waiting for the elevator with my infant strapped to my stomach and pushing my toddler around in a stroller and four able-bodied middle-aged people tumble in before me making it difficult for us to fit and there is a perfectly good, working escalator five feet away.

That makes me not like you.

And life is too short not to by liked.

Get off the elevator.